Tips for Conversations About Sexual Violence

The Bold Moves Campaign is all about opening up conversations about sexual violence – what it is, how to prevent it, and how to respond. Silence helps create the conditions for sexual violence to keep happening. But only you know the conversations that need to happen. YOU are the expert in your social circle – you know what your friends and family need to hear. This section is all about giving you the tools and skills you need to make those conversations as productive and safe as possible. This isn’t necessarily easy, so in addition to the definitions provided in Bold Words, we are offering these tips to get you started.

Be self aware

  • Make sure the person you are talking to is willing to have this conversation.  It’s their choice.
  • Be aware of the time and place.  Make sure there’s enough time before diving into a conversation. Check who’s around.  You don’t want to have a loud conversation that affects someone who hasn’t consented to be part of it.
  • Make sure info you share about yourself is appropriate to your role and the conversation – don’t make people uncomfortable by oversharing.
  • Be aware of the language the media use to report on sexual violence.
  • With current stats, it’s likely you know someone who has experienced sexual violence. Be sensitive to what that means to your conversation. They may or may not be, but since you don’t know, this is a safe assumption.

Be mindful

  • Use the names and pronouns preferred by the person you are talking to and/ or about.
  • Avoid euphemisms, but be sensitive to the possibility that people may be upset by explicit language.
  • Do not use consensual language when talking about non consensual acts.  For example, don’t talk about a 13-year-old having a “sexual relationship” with a teacher.
  • Instead of using passive language, call out the agent of the violence as the person who caused the harm. (X raped Y,” instead of “Y was raped.”)
  • Don’t “out” people or share someone else’s personal information without their consent.

Be patient

  • Be patient and meet people where they’re at – avoid being combative if you don’t agree with someone.
  • Make space – this isn’t easy. Listen with an open heart. You’re going to say the wrong thing and so are others. Space for growth is essential.
  • Check in with yourself. Make sure you are taking care of yourself before and after a heavy conversation.

Be present

  • Listen. Then listen some more.
  • If you don’t know something, admit it and commit to finding out more if the other person would like you to.
  • Avoid questioning a survivor’s behavior.
  • The process is the product. Don’t get overly fixated on proving your point or reaching a resolution.

Be bold – and have the conversation!